Matching Tops

(Read Time: One exceptionally strong Nespresso)

One very critical facet of cycling that divides opinion, even among cyclists never mind the rev-head driving a knackered white Vauxhall Corsa van who was impatiently chewing at my rear wheel this morning is how we look on the bicycle… as he called it, ‘Fashion’.

I know I’ve written about this previously in many guises, Fashion is in cycling as it is in general, very much like marmite. As a result there are some massive extremes out there… from the ‘e-bay cyclist’ who looks like they’ve bought all their kit on e-bay and got dressed in the dark… through to the ‘full-kit winker’ (not the actual term, but this is a family show) who is adorned in full UCI cycle racing team kit, for their Sunday spin to the Windmill Cafe for their slice of custard tart and skinny latte.

The truth is, it really doesn’t matter what you’re wearing so long as it’s comfy and does what you need it to do… protect your bum, keep you warm or cool enough and perhaps allow you to be seen by the driver of the Corsa van peering through the smeers and condensation on their windscreen. Fortunately the Corsa van driver definitely saw me, and made it very clear that he had seen me, along with his feelings about my ‘fashion’ sense.

This would be a very easy place to leave this, as how you dress on your bicycle shouldn’t really matter. However, I have a blog to write (and need some tangential content), and deep down I think both extremes look pretty ridiculous – but crucially I am also a massive hypocrite!

There is photographic evidence of me wearing both extremes, and in fact the Corsa driver was bang on, as I’ve just stepped off my bicycle looking like I’ve been to a bad taste clown party on my bicycle. While the photographic evidence is fortunately limited, I do however have one on my office wall… not because of the beauty that was my light blue gilet, amber top, black shorts, white helmet and bright pink socks, with black and yellow shoes (it’s truly hideous) but because I was descending the Col d’Iseran, having cycled up the 40km climb from Bourg St Maurice through Val d’sere. It’s only on my wall because the moment was very special, and captured by someone at the side of the road. In fact, this is the same descent as you’ll find at the top of my webpage… and there’s the reason that this photo is in black and white – now you know!! Equally, I’ve got photographic evidence of me being the ‘full kit winker’ in a velodrome wearing a full set of Cannondale Garmin kit. It’s a travesty!

But at least I’ve been there and done it (as recently as today), and so I am perfectly entitled to pass comment, nee an ounce of (self) judgement.

While it doesn’t matter how you look, it is however an absolute imperative that you don’t head out on your ride on a dirty bicycle… NEVER! Dirty bicycles are not happy bicycles, with wear increasing, more effort being required to operate them, and when you head out (I am sorry about this) your maintenance is being judged by everyone else. Make sure that everyone you see, pass, overtake, get overtaken believes that you look after and love your bicycle. It will carry you through thick and thin and needs love and care to do that. While you might adorn yourself like coco the clown or look like an appalling tribute to Geraint Thomas or Lizzie Deignan, or even a purposeful tribute to the Michelin Man… your bicycle must look beautiful and like the day it came out of the shop.

There is one thing that I have always done, largely for aesthetics rather than anything else, and I am pleased that I’ve finally found a good health reason to do it… and as a result, I wholly recommend it. This is matching water bottles. I’ve always done it… I’ve never known why. They don’t necessarily need to match your bicycle (but actually they really do!) but they certainly need to be the same make and model, or at the very minimum accept the same lid!!! And here’s why.

I sincerely doubt that you walked into the cycle shop, and said to the expert bicycle fitter / salesman that you ‘just want a bicycle… any bicycle, I don’t care which, how much it costs, and more than anything I couldn’t care less how it looks.’ This did not and should not happen. You’re spending good money, sometimes extortionate money, on this assembly of materials, be it carbon fibre, aluminium, titanium, or bamboo, and you (should) want it to look good. You want to be proud of it, and crucially, if it doesn’t look good, you won’t want to ride it or in my case be seen on it. And so, why would you carry water bottles that don’t ‘go’ with it. Whether you’re taking one or two bottles… it’s important that the cage(s), and the bottle(s) that sit in it are sympathetic to the bicycle itself. When you are sat at the cafe with your mates looking at your and everyone else’s bicycles with your skinny latte and custard slice, you don’t want to despise the one part of your equipment that is carrying your life saving, ride extending fluids. It must be so!

On this basis, I would also offer that if you are carrying two bottles – they need to match. Perhaps your down tube and seat tube are different colours… and in this case perhaps different coloured bottle cages may be appropriate, but otherwise your bottles need to be interchangeable and so should be identical. At some point they will be at different stages of ’emptiness’ and you’ll need to swap them unless you are comfortable with performing some unique moves of contortion to actively drink from either cage while pedalling. (Note : you should be able to remove and replace your bottle without stopping pedalling… it’s not dangerous… in fact the alternative is more dangerous – pausing pedalling while you take a drink to feel the rest of the peloton pile into your back wheel). The front cage should be your active bottle, and the rear your spare or empty…. unless the rear contains some very ‘funky’ substances for only the occasional sip.

And so, getting to the meat of my argument… I am reflecting again primarily, though not exclusively, on winter riding again. I sincerely doubt that I am the only person who has noticed how much cleaner the drinking nozzle of the bottle in the front cage remains compared to the carnage that can end up covering the rear, during even the muckiest ride. This should be no surprise given that the downtube is typically the widest part of your bicycle, and so offers magnificent shielding for your bottle from the spray from your front wheel. The rear bottle however is not afforded any real protection and hence on a wet ride, will get a good old smattering of whatever gets thrown up by the front wheel and passing traffic. Therefore – and my learning – if you’re carrying two bottles of identical types (parking fashion for a moment), you can swap the top of the initial front bottle with that of the full rear bottle as you change the ‘active’ bottles, meaning that you’re always drinking from the ‘cleaner’ of the two.

Not only does it sound preferable to drink from a clean nozzle, it’s fairly widely documented (I read once!) that one of the challenges facing professional road race cyclists when it’s wet, is that the road spray from the bicycles in front of you also carries the muck and bacteria from the road. There are a myriad of potential ‘germs’ that can be present on the road, not least from lorries / bin lorries carrying waste that escapes, and animals that can and do use the road to deposit their waste (don’t think there’s many? If you ride anywhere rural, how many horses have you passed? They’re not waiting until they get home to deposit last nights supper). With water and spray there is a reasonable chance of some of this ending up being consumed by the cyclist either orally, or nasally. I am not a doctor of anything (clearly!) and while I cannot predict or comment on the likely result of consuming a minute amount of Dobbins seconds, I am pretty bloody sure its not good for you, and I’d rather not do it.

As I have already confessed, I am not the Gok Wan of cycling couture, and as we’re all individuals we all have the right to wear what we like. So if you want to imitate ‘G’ on your ride for a coffee and it makes you happy to do it and enjoy your ride, fill your boots. The kit manufacturers / sponsors will love you for it. Equally if you want to come out cycling with me, dressed like we put all of our kit in the middle of a room and got dressed in the pitch black, that’s fine by me too. As is anywhere in-between.

But please, as you’re choosing your bottles for your next purchase, and even your next ride… make sure they aren’t offensive to your bicycle, and unlike your clothing, it really is a good idea if they have matching tops.